Functions never to attend as a single woman:

This short list was inspired by a little 2-year-old's birthday, and will continue to grow with the awkward experiences I will have for the rest of my life -- because, let's face it, I am destined to be a perpetual bachelorette.

Social functions never to attend as a single woman:
1. Little children's birthday parties. I wrote extensively on this event, so check a few posts back and you'll get the full scoop. Basically, I ended up being the ONLY single person there who was not an immediate relative and did not have a wee baby of their own.

2. Male birthday parties. Not so bad you say, but when every other invitee is also male; as a female, I started to feel out of place real quick. I can only acquaint it to being the only woman at a bachelor party where I am neither the stripper nor the sexy bartender. Double whammy here: every guy present was in a serious relationship. It was a lose-lose situation from the start. Why was I even invited? Well according to the birthday boy, I am "kinda like a guy anyway, so don't worry about it." Why was I even compelled to go? Because I am an idiot of a woman, and thought it'd be fine since we were good friends and I thought I'd know all the guys there, so it'd be like a mini-reunion. I was wrong.

3. Superbowl parties. This was a surprise to me too; usually Superbowl parties are chock full of every kind of person, not to mention a room full of all your buddies. Well leave it to me to stumble upon the only party that was almost exclusively couples. I was with some of my friends watching the boring game and started feeling out of place (don't ask me why). Since I knew another friend was having a Superbowl party, I decided to do a little hopping and see what was happening in his neck of the woods. Big mistake. One that could not be corrected. You see, the moment I walked in, I spotted three couples squished on a couch and recliner. I peer around the corner and see two more couples on a couch. The lone single guy was sprawled out on his own couch, and was the only obvious place to sit. I greet the room at large, greet the host and the only two other men I know, and hurry to the "singles couch". Well it was too late to make up an excuse and dart out to the safety of my car, so I had to sit through over a quarter of the game until it mercifully ended with the win going to the Saints. (Anyone see irony in that?) Needless to say, I felt out of place -- not only because I felt like I was intruding on a party that was in full swing, but because I left a good foot of space between me and the only other guy on the couch and DID NOT have my hands all over someone. Seriously, if I become one of those touchy, clingy couple, then you have my permission to slap me across the face.