I miss you. I don't know who you are, but I miss you.

I don't know why I crave company so badly these last couple days, but I've felt a desperate need to be around people lately. Perhaps it's because I have been in a self-imposed exile for as long as I can remember. I feel guilty any time I am with other people because I know I should be grading papers. This is the peril of being an English teacher. I hate feeling guilty for giving myself free time. So this weekend I spent time in the company of others. Meals, movies, sleep-overs, sports games -- the works. Even when I wasn't with people, I spent an ungodly amount of time on the phone. And I must say, even after all that, I still feel lonely. I talked with my parents for over an hour tonight and I don't feel any less alone. As much as I enjoy my solitude, there's something about connecting with other people that feels right somehow.

Oh, but I relish my solitude.

I value alone-time about as much as I value food. Enough said. For the most part, I get along better with myself than I do with other people....entertaining guests and keeping people happy takes work. Let's just say I like being lazy from time to time. And now that I've had an overload of people-time, I still feel strangely alone. Bitter-sweet. I love it and hate it. I am a captive of my own choosing.