Step DOWN 3

As I walked out of the ornate movie theater last night, I had the distinct impression that I was most certainly NOT in Thailand anymore. I really didn't know where I "was" (I knew I was in Bangkok, but it didn't feel like I was there) -- maybe it felt like the States, or even the Philippines, but not Thailand.

I had just watched Step Up 3, which I strongly advise NEVER SEEING, and with all the fast-moving dancing going on, I admit to feeling rather pumped. My body was on a kind of 'high' if you will, and instead of acting slightly more subdued (because, let's face it, Thais aren't known for their show of emotions) than normal, I was acting like a typical American coming out of a typical American movie theater. I was talking loudly because I had officially become deaf (the movie theater blared the sound at you and you literally felt the seats vibrating under you), gesturing wildly, and doing my version of dancing while I pranced down the stares and stood on the escalator. I tried not making eye contact with any of the Thais around me because I was sure they were staring.

After descending into the very pit of hell known by other people as the first level parking garage (the elevators were so packed we took the narrow service stares that wound narrowly around and around -- the lower we went, the hotter it got), we crept out into the humid air. It was there I saw the one thing that reminded me that I was, indeed, in Thailand: a pack of dogs lounging in front of another entrance to the garage. These dogs are used to people, and some of them might even be pets, but they lied there and took no notice of us. Not ten seconds later I saw another remnant of Thailand: a large rat. These rats are fairly friendly considering it took it's good sweet time scurrying away as we approached on the sidewalk.

But enough about the sights and sounds. More on the epic fail of a movie known as Step Up 3.

Basically, they took models and dancers-turned-actors and had them prance in front of the camera. The dialogue was so disgustingly corny, I found myself rolling my eyes and stifling laughter the entire time. I was glad my movie buddy sitting next to me felt the same, otherwise I would have felt rather embarrassed for making fun of the movie. Sure the lead character was nice to look at, but the movie was an absolute flop. I think the only reason people were coming to watch the movie was because 1) it's such a long weekend and they needed something to do, 2)Step Up 2 was such a success, and they felt this one would be just as good, and 3) Thais have been so completely inundated with previews of this movie on every Skytrain in Bangkok, that they had to see what the hype was all about.

Spoiler alert -- but what happened to tough guys being tough guys?? When you stalk another guy into the dingy bathroom at a club, it's usually with the purpose of beating him up -- NOT proposing a dance-off. In a bathroom?? What kind of pretty boy are you?

Cheesy line after cheesy line with no feasible plot couldn't even be salvaged by the fast-paced dancing (that was also computerized. What a disappointment). Sure, they were innovative and brought a few new dance moves to the floor, but all in all, it just looked like a very very bad remake of the second movie with cameo appearances of about six of their dancers. It was one dance competition after another -- and they even redid the whole dancing-in-two-inches-of-water thing from the second movie.

Step Up 2:
Step Up 3:

Let me try another analogy for you: porn. It's full of sex, has cheesy dialogue, and contains no plot. People don't care about the dialogue or plot, they just want the action. DISGUSTING.

Step Up 3: It's full of dancing, has cheesy dialogue, and contains no plot. People don't care about the dialogue, they just want to see the dancing because fluid body movement is amazing and they wish they could move like that. BLAH.

So unless you like dance-porn, I'd pick another summer flick to watch.