It's not about me. But it doesn't have to be about you either.

Things are going to get a lot more personal -- as if they haven't already. Regardless of who reads this (if anyone), my personal life is going to become more....accessible.

Remember the line from A Knight's Tale, "You have been tried; you have been measured; and you have been found wanting"? Well I have just been on the receiving end of that line. Not literally, but unintentionally. Ever get the feeling that you are being judged while talking with someone? Yeah, we are NEVER judged by others in this day and age. But lately I've been bombarded with the idea that I am inadequate. That I don't measure up. But then that begs the questions, "measure up to whom? And by whose standards?" I am still trying to explore this nagging feeling (without going completely insane). I am not insane -- that much I know -- but I have definitely been judged and held accountable for the very same things I am most insecure about. Now I know I don't have the stature, or figure if you will, that commands attention, but that doesn't mean I am any less of a person. I am not an eloquent speaker, nor am I particularly charismatic, but I do have my own thoughts and ideas that are worth listening to. Being measured purely by outward appearances has been something I have had to deal with my entire life, and it is something I recognize in an instant when it happens to me.
I've seen the look in people's eyes when they look me over and decide which category I fit into. With men it is one of three categories: 1) I wouldn't touch you with a ten-foot pole; 2) Sure, we can be friends; and 3) Hmm, potential interest? For those who have dared for option #3 and failed, they usually head toward option #1 pretty quickly. For those who stay safely in option #2 usually become a solid friend of mine. But then again, this option provides very little wiggle room.
But there is so much more to me than what is seen on the outside. I feel like for those who truly get to know me, I come as a surprise. I am not one who can be easily put into a box or categorized. But then again, how many people take the time to come to that conclusion on their own? I'm not saying I'm perfect -- far from it actually -- but there is definitely more to me than meets the eye. I'm just so tired of being put into a box by people who think they have me figured out. I will never truly and completely be figured out by anyone. Including myself.