My "partial30" diet in review

In my last post, I discussed my food goal to kick off 2019: a "partial30" diet based on the Whole 30 diet.  Dieting isn't about denying certain foods, but the focus should be on eating healthier, finding foods that provide nutrients and strengthen your body.  Although I was not super strict in the Whole 30 way, I was still making active choices to eat healthier.  I knew it would be rough, if not for the simple reason that  it was a mental game.  The moment I told myself I couldn't eat something (even if I didn't eat it regularly), I craved it.  Suddenly I was looking around my kitchen at all the foods I wasn't "allowed" to eat.  I read ingredient labels on packaged foods, and found foods that still fit into my modified diet.  I had originally said I wouldn't eat prepackaged foods.  But after reading labels, I decided it would be find as long as the food did not contain any preservatives.  Basically, prepackaged foods that were still made of whole, natural ingredients did not diminish my dieting purpose.

By far, the hardest part was going without processed sugars -- especially lattes!  The first week was the longest week because I was constantly thinking about food and searching foods that would satiate my sweet cravings.  It was also the week that I was most creative with my meal choices.  I was eating baked zucchini with tzatziki dip, baby carrots with hummus, and homemade salsa on scrambled eggs.  As a snacky person, I was constantly looking for snacks that would be healthy.  My go-to became dehydrated apples.  I read a report that said dried fruits aren't healthy, and I think that is true for prepackaged fruit.  However, there are absolutely no added sugars or other ingredients to dried apples -- they are just a different consistency.  Instead of being crunchy, they are chewy.


So how did I do??

• For being lactose intolerant, I surprisingly kept certain dairy products in my diet.  For the first half of the month, I allowed myself to eat a sprinkling of shredded cheese (usually on my skillets), then eventually cut it out completely.  I also allowed myself to have sour cream and yogurt.
• The prepackaged foods mentioned above that I could eat were: Juanita's tortilla chips, roasted cashews, beef/turkey jerky, and Smartfood popcorn. Notice that aside from eating a ton more fresh fruits and veggies, I still found ways to satiate my snack cravings.
• Sadly, I forgot garlic bread was bread (probably because I prepared the garlic spread from scratch), and ate a slice with lasagna one night.  I also ate pita bread during the first half of the month but cut it out after a couple weeks.  I thought it would be healthier than tortilla chips, but I never read the pita bread label.  I was wrong.  It was tasty, but contained more calories and preservatives than tortilla chips, so I did away with it. :(
• One positive result was that I ate a copious amount of fruit as I searched for fructose.  Again, this diet is such a mental game, and even though I wasn't hungry, I wanted to snack.  So to fill my stomach further, I ate fresh fruit, dried fruit, and fruit smoothies.
• Spinach became a daily green for me.  I love fresh spinach, and made a point to always keep it in stock in the fridge.  I know green veggies are super healthy, so I'm glad I made a point to include it whenever possible.  This is a habit I gladly intend to keep.
• I ended up eating a lot of carbs/starchy foods, the main culprits being white rice and fried potatoes.  While these were technically allowed in my diet, I know there was no reason to eat as much as I did.  One change I would make moving forward, would be to eat these foods on workout days so I am sure to burn off the carbohydrate energy.
• Sugar:  if you can't tell yet, I craved more sugar than I thought I consumed on a regular basis.  I don't necessarily have a sweet tooth (I rarely eat candy or soda, and steer clear from high-sugar fruit drinks), but my weakness when it comes to sweets are definitely lattes and pastries.  I am a bit embarrassed to say I would get coffee 3-4 times a week, using it as a "reward" for things like a hard sub day.  Although I always request half the syrup flavor, it still contained plenty of sugar.  And I love baking.  My latest treat is monkey bread.  This was a difficult month for me to watch others eat sugary treats or drink Starbucks, but I stuck to my guns and did not consume any of these myself.  I did eat yogurt, however, and that contains sweetener.
• Sauces:  I did not limit my sauces when preparing foods.  This includes: soy sauce, oyster sauce, fish sauce, chili sauce....you get the picture.  Some of these contain sugar.  Whatever.
• Eating at home every single day was different for me.  As a single person, I'm used to grabbing food on the go or eating out several times a week (whether that be for lunch or dinner.  But after preparing every single meal I ate (with the exception of the four VegOut salads I bought), I've gained a better appreciation for food and meal prep.  Sometimes it was annoying having to pack a lunch every day for work, but after a while I got used to it.  I am so glad that it saved me money too!  It's amazing how much my paycheck went into me eating out!

Final thoughts:
After eating sugar for the first time in a month yesterday, I know it's possible to go without it.  I went a little crazy: oatmeal bar with chocolate chips, Captain Crunch, a frappe, and cake/vanilla ice cream.  I did not eat all these at once! But I guess that doesn't matter.  It was too much.  I suffered for it.  I was jittery and awake until almost 1 am.  But I was too excited to eat it again.  Now I know better.  I plan to limit processed sugars to the days I work out so I know I'm using the energy up.

Although the flavored frappe was absolutely delicious, it was still so sweet (even with half the syrup!).  My original plan for treating myself to coffee twice a week may very well drop down to once a week.  I don't need it.  And I felt really guilty afterwards -- even though I later worked out for two hours as planned!

I've become so aware of fruit, that I'm making a conscious effort to continue incorporating it into my daily eating habits.  I've always been a fan of veggies, but now I'm making a point to eat even more.

Having a slice of toast, or having a sandwich won't kill me.  I'm glad I can eat bread again!

Eating out means I plan on cutting my portions in half.  I've decided every restaurant meal I buy should feed me twice.  And I want to remember to bring my own takeout container to save on waste.  I will also make a conscious effort to eat at home as much as possible.  It's a silly excuse to say I'm "treating myself".  I don't need to give in to my cravings every time, and should approach dining out like I do alcohol:  as a social affair.

Ultimately, my workout endurance increased, my energy level remained steady (rather than spiking and crashing), and I lost about 6-7 pounds.  I don't care too much about the scale, however, since I wasn't necessarily cutting the portions of my meals.

All in all, this was a wonderful experiment in restraint.  I did not curb my snacking habits -- in fact, I think they increased -- but I did find healthier alternatives to balance out some of my other runaway habits -- eating out, coffee, etc.

2019 Goals

I don't make resolutions.  They only leave me feeling defeated when I ultimately fail at my resolves.  So to soften the blow, I like setting goals instead.  So without further adieu here are my 2019 goals:

For the month of January, I will do a "partial 30" -- I looked into the whole 30 diet (knowing it'd only be for 30 days), and realized it wasn't a matter of capability, I simply refuse a diet that forbids rice.  That is the Asian staple, and I will eat it until I am physically incapable of the feat.  Here's my modified partial 30:

• No buying lattes for a month: this is to help me with both my sugar intake, and money outtake.  I don't have much of a sweet tooth, but I love froofy coffee, and this is probably my main source of sugar.
• No eating out: I am trying to cut out processed foods as much as possible, and it is much easier to regulate natural foods from processed foods when I'm making it myself at home.  Also, this is a way to curb my spending! *The only exception I make to this rule is salads.  If I eat out, I will only buy fresh veggie salads.
• Cut out processed foods as much as possible.  Notice that it is not an absolute.  I'm not going to go crazy reading labels, although I'll generally assume if it's prepackaged, it's processed.  I won't be cutting out pasta, almond milk, or yogurt.
• I'm lactose intolerant, so the amount of dairy products I consume is quite small.  However, I will cut out the tiny bit of cheese I eat, ice cream, cottage cheese, and probably butter.
• Cut out breads: if I don't have breads, I won't need butter.  This will also include other forms (bagels, pastries, garlic bread, etc.).  Notice that I am not cutting carbs out of my diet, just breads.

Due to a dinner party I'm attending, this diet will take affect on January 6 and go through February 6.

I will also be budgeting this year.  This is new to me.  I budgeted for a hot second my first month in Bangkok until I realized that I made plenty to cover my expenses, student loans, and savings.  However, this time, I will be recording all my expenditures and learning the growing pains of living within a budget.  A huge part of this is because I'll be moving to Athens for a year as a missionary and the money I raise must last me a year.  I'm truly hoping this turns into a habit that I carry into future years like second nature.

My last goal is to learn conversational Greek.  I know a handful of words, but it's difficult to string them into coherent sentences with a native Greek.  Hopefully this will become easier once I'm in Athens!

Alrighty, that's only three goals.  I hope by the end of this year, no matter how difficult these goals might be, that I can say I've accomplished them!

Who is Kendal?

These are just some creative musings I had one day as I toyed with a phrase.  I wanted to see how it could play out in any number of scenarios -- I only got to three, but it was fun playing with this mysterious girl called Kendal.

     Kendal stumbled forward with the unexpected weight, catching herself just before she truly fell. The extra bundle the overseer threw onto her frame nearly made her knees buckle.  But she silently gritted her teeth, sent a silent prayer heavenward, and continued down the sloping path. Loose pebbles skittered before her as she trudged the narrow trail, being careful not to stray too far to the right where the mountainside dropped at least a dozen feet.  She was starting to lose track of how many days she had been stuck on this mountain detail.  Her patience was running thin, and if the overseers made her pack any heavier, she was liable to do something they’d regret.

     A loose rock gave way under her feet and her knees ultimately gave out beneath her this time.  She drove the heels of her hands into the dirt to catch herself as the wooden frame strapped to her back propelled her awkwardly forward.

     "This is no time for a break!" A second overseer stomped toward her.

     She tried in vain to stand, but the weight of the frame made it impossible to find her balance.  Her knees screamed in pain as sharp pebbles dug into her skin.  Suddenly she felt the frame shift violently as was lifted into the air like a doll and set on her feet.

   "Now get back to work." The gruff voice of the man towering over her left no room for argument as he shoved her forward.

     She took a deep shuddering breath, gripped the pack hugging her shoulders, and forced one foot in front of the other.  It was only a matter of time before she would cease to be their pack mule.

     Kendal stumbled forward with the unexpected weight, catching herself just before she truly fell. The miniature man clinging to her back held a short blade to her throat.  In the span of a second she had to decide whether to rip the knife away and throw the man off her, or still beneath the sharp edge. She chose the latter.

     His weight did not shift; however, it wasn’t long before she felt his hot breath on her ear as he

rasped, “Do not move if you value your life.”

     “I value many things,” she said calmly, remaining frozen in place.  “Self-perseverance, however, is at the top of my priorities.  How can I help you?”

     “Where is the key?” She could smell his sour breath this time.

     “What key?”

     “I do not play games with my prey,” he threatened, moving the blade tight enough against her throat to draw a thin line of blood.

     Kendal winced, but remained impassive.  “Is that what I am?  Would you mind getting off my back?  This is getting uncomfortable.”

     The man only locked his knees more firmly in place above her hips and grunted.  “Give me the key or I will slit your throat.”

     “If you slit my throat, you’ll never find out where the key is,” she paused.  “It appears we’ve reached an impasse.”

     With one swift shift, she threw the stranger over her right shoulder, hurdling him into the ground, at the same time snatching the knife out of his hand and holding it over his throat.  His startled expression, as well as how he was gasping for breath, brought a smug smile to her lips.

     “Now, little sir, let’s try this one last time.  What key?”

    Kendal stumbled forward with the unexpected weight, catching herself just before she truly fell. James had hoped to knock her flat on her stomach, but she bent her knees to deal with the extra weight, shrugging him off.  She let out a raspy laugh even as he picked himself up and positioned himself to attack once more.

    “You’re doing much better than last week,” he grinned impishly.

    “Now that you’ve used the same method of attack four times, I’m expecting it.”  Her eyes were alight with triumph.  “You may be older, but I’m taller,” she threw his insecurity in his face.

    James’s eyes narrowed as he attacked head-on.  “I have a lower center of gravity.  Better for hand to hand combat.”  He lunged low.

    She dodged his attack easily and used his momentum to drive him facedown into the dirt, straddling him with her knees.  “Well?”

    James squirmed, but had no leverage.  All he could do was grunt in defeat.

    “Who’s the victor?”  She pressed down on his spine between his shoulder blades.

    “You’re the victor,” he let out a puff of air.

I know.

I know.

We use the phrase “I know” candidly, often times without realizing how flippant it sounds.  I know carries two implications: 1) that we were privy to prior knowledge, and 2) that we can commiserate in a shared experience; the “I’ve been through that too,” or “I feel the same way”.

But when I say “I know,” I mean neither of these things.  How could I possibly have experienced the heartbreak you have? How could I have known about this before you told me?  When I say “I know,” I don’t mean “I understand”.  How can I understand where you’re coming from if I’ve never experienced what you’re experienced? Or rather how can I understand when we disagree? When I truly don’t understand?

No, when I say “I know,” I mean I see that this matters to you, I see how much this burdens you, how hurt you are, how much heartbreak this is causing for you.  I may not KNOW, but I want to come along side you and tell you that you are not alone.  That I grieve when you grieve.  That seeing you in pain brings me pain.  That seeing you struggle causes my heart to ache.

I don’t mean to be flippant.

I don’t mean to tell you your struggles aren’t real.

I just mean that words are inadequate.

That I will stand by you when you feel deserted and alone, knowing that your struggles don’t scare me away, rather they draw me to you.  Because you were brave enough to open your heart enough for me to say,

I know.

Hermiston sunflower

*Editor's note: I wrote this after speaking with a dear friend last year; since then it can be applied to so many experiences I've shared with dear friends.  We live life together.  We go through heartbreak big and small.  But I know I can get through it all with you by my side.

A tale of two poems

Since I'm so terrible at keeping up a blog, I thought I'd publish something I didn't write.  These are the words of Maya Angelou's that I just discovered today -- yes just today -- and I can't believe I wasn't introduced to this poem sooner in life!  So without further adieu, here is Angelou's poem, "I Still Rise":

 I STILL RISE

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

I love this poem for it's earnestness and honesty.  I love the determination.  I love that the speaker addresses the ambiguous you.  While it's easy to see who she is writing to, I appreciate that it is not spiteful or bitter, but resolute.  The visual is beautiful, and the last three lines show the reader how determined she is to rise above challenges and obstacles.

This poem reminds me of another poem that came well before Angelou published this one, but it also deals with the theme of adversity -- however, the approach is different.  Take a look at Paul Dunbar's "We Wear the Mask".

WE WEAR THE MASK

WE wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,— 

This debt we pay to human guile;

With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,

And mouth with myriad subtleties.

Why should the world be over-wise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
We wear the mask

We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries
To thee from tortured souls arise.
We sing, but oh the clay is vile
Beneath our feet, and long the mile;
But let the world dream otherwise,
We wear the mask!

This poem also deals with racial injustice from a bleaker standpoint.  The tongue-in-cheek frustration is very evident as the narrator doesn't see an end to the adversity that is being faced.  The fact that 'they' (we) feel a need to hide the true self behind a smile tears the narrator up inside.  The narrator is desperate to see a change but doesn't believe it will ever happen.  Yes, far more depressing than "I Will Rise," as Maya Angelou sees the animosity people show her, but sees it as a challenge to rise above.

I wish Maya and Paul could have met and compared notes.  That would have made for an excellent poem.

June 1-2: Weekend Blessings

Far too often God blesses me without me even being aware of it; caught up in my own self-absorbed ways, I find more to complain about than thank God for.

1.  I spent a great deal of my weekend finishing a classroom scrapbook.  I make one every year, (inspired by a friend who also made a scrapbook for her classes), but this year is different.  This year, I have truly grown attached to my students.  Don't get me wrong, I have enjoyed my 8th graders the last two years for various reasons.  But this year I haven't had to deal with some of the hurdles of the past years, namely behavior issues.  With that out of the way, it's freed up plenty of time for us to interact more and get to know each other.  We've laughed together, played games together, and teased each other incessantly.  These moments have endeared my students to me.  So as I hurriedly pasted the pictures into the book, I thought back to every moment and thanked God for these children who have filled my life.

2.  Earlier today, I had the bitter-sweet pleasure of attending a tea-party going away party for a friend of mine who I've grown to love here in Bangkok.  She is moving on to Mongolia to continue her missions' work as a consultant.  I admire her passion for people, her adventurous spirit, and her tenacity for social justice -- all qualities I wish I fully possessed.  But God has blessed me with her friendship these last couple years, and I am thankful.  I have so few friends that are outside the ICS community and she is one of them.  While I love my job and the people I work with, I sometimes feel like I might go insane if my entire life in Thailand is tied to my job and the people therein.  So it is a great relief to hang out with people who don't know my students or the unique life an international school affords.  This tea party gave me the respite I so desperately needed.  I was the only ICS teacher in attendance, and furthermore, I only knew two other people, besides the guest of honor.  Ordinarily, I tend to withdraw in groups like this where I don't know people, but this time God gave me a taste of my old social-butterfly ways and I eagerly - if not successfully - navigated small talk for three hours as I made new friends, and chatted up old ones, all without the slightest unease of talking to strangers.

3.  Tied closely to #2, I cannot talk about a going away party without mentioning the guest of honor.  Her name is Natasha (originally from the UK) and she has lived in Thailand for about as long as I have, working with World Vision.  Well, her job is taking her to Mongolia as a consultant after a 3-week holiday back in the UK.  She has truly been a blessing to my life for several reasons:  she adds a fresh/different perspective to my teachery life, she understands the crazy busy lifestyle that happens in Bangkok but is still up for an adventure, and of course, she has a cool accent. ;)  It is bitter sweet to send her off, but I am excited for what she's going to be doing in Mongolia and beyond.

4.  After the tea party, I made my way down the street to my favorite coffee place of all time, Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf, and walked in a completely empty shop.  This was awesome because it meant that I didn't have to wait in a line for soy chai, AND that I had my choice of seats.  Since I had grading to do, I wanted a comfortable chair with a view that adequately distracted me from my papers.  Yes, I'm not the most focused grader in the world.

5.  And what could distract me better than a traditional Indian wedding complete with the groom riding in on a horse, dancing in the streets, and hand-held drums and tambourines.  The sight would have been grander if I could see it better from my window.  Sadly, people kept blocking my view and I was too embarrassed to walk outside to observe the wedding first-hand since I'm not an actual guest.  So all this means is that I need to be invited to an Indian wedding...This was a first for me, but I sure hope it's not my last!

6.  The wedding eventually moved inside and I got through half my stack of papers before I gave up and decided to head out.  It was also 8pm on a Sunday in downtown Bangkok and I wanted to get to bed at a decent hour.  I had to go to Villa and chose the one down the street instead of the regular one I go to in Paradise, and I was blessed greatly for this small choice of venues!  At first I couldn't remember what I wanted to get at Villa, so I wandered through the aisles...and what did I find?  Cinnamon Toast Crunch!  The cereal I had been looking for since Christmas had finally popped up in a random store downtown.  I didn't even care that it was $7.25 -- I bought it on the spot.  But there were more treasures to be found hidden away.  My mom always told me to "look with your eyes; not with your mouth," and after going through the milk aisle twice and about ready to give up, I find one of three lone quarts of Silk vanilla soy milk.  This is the perfect companion to my favorite cereal. :)  On top of these two fantastic things, I came across the Ben & Jerry's freezer and Half Baked was buy one get one free!  Not a hard choice considering one pint alone costs $13.

GOD IS GOOD.  Even when I don't think about needing a 'break', He showers me with blessings in one weekend:  great food, great company, and a great view of a wedding.  Thank you Lord.  I just hope I am able to recognize more of Your blessings for what they truly are. <3 br="">

Dinner with Lissa round 2!

This simple recipe is several weeks old, but probably one of my favorite "new" things to make.  It's also fairly healthy!

Good meat can be hard to find in Thailand at a reasonable price, which is why I've adjusted much of my cooking to exclude beef, chicken, or fish; instead I like eating zesty veggies and carbs of all kinds--unashamedly I might add!

This time, my meal used avocado as the main ingredient:  Avocado-salsa bowls, open-faced egg-avocado sandwich, with tortilla chips on the side.  I got the idea for egg-avocado sandwiches (and simplified it) from here:  Egg and Avocado Sandwiches

Ingredients:

1 avocado, medium-large size

1 red tomato, large, diced

1/4 cup onion, chopped

1/8 cup yellow and red bell pepper, chopped

Cilantro finely chopped (to taste)

1 hard-boiled egg

Paprika (sprinkled to taste)

Bread of choice (I used Spinach sweet bread)

Tortilla chips

Avocado-salsa bowl and open-faced avocado-egg sandwich.

Directions:

• Cut avocado in half length-wise and remove the pit
• Carve a shallow bowl into both sides of the avocado and put the extra avocado in a small bowl
• Remove the shell of the boiled egg and dice egg before placing with the extra avocado
• Mash together the avocado with the egg and set aside
• Combine the tomato, onion, bell peppers, and cilantro in bowl to make the salsa
• Scoop the salsa into the avocado 'bowls'
• Place the avocado-egg mixture on bread (optional: toast the bread before putting the avocado-egg mixture on top), and sprinkle paprika on top
  
• There you go -- it's time to eat!